so let's talk penis.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
