im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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