Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
