3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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