he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
