went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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