Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
