I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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