masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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