I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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