Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
