It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
