Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
