I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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