this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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