is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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