There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm just crazy horny about you
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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