im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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