No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
