Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
