I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
