In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
