The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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