is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
