New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
