FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
