he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize