Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
