He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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