Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
