Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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