Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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