Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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