Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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