But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
