Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Randomize
