you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
