WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Randomize
