hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
