I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
