Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
