He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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