I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize