I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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