Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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