I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
