i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
