Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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