Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
