Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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