I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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