Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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