I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
