Jerry, you need to find god
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
