So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
