So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
