How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
