Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
