think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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