Is it because I queefed?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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