I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Randomize
