he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
