she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
