I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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