Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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