OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
