Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
