so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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