then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
