I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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