So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize