I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
