I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
