Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
