how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
