I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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