i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The air taste purple.
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