You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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