My nipple is on Facebook.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
