Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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