Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
