Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
