It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
