I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I don't deserve a penis
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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