You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
