Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
