miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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