He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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