I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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