Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
