It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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