wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
MIDGETS
????
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
