Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize