hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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