Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
