Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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