Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
