yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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