Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
