Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
