I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
