I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
