I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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